i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
