thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
