Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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