Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize