the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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