I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
