In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
