I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
No subtext here. People are naked.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
