laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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