so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
