I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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