ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
