Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
