I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
