remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You pole danced in your parka.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
