there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
