I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
