I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Alive.
So much puke
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
