I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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