I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
