Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
