Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
