Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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