There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
