drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
