I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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