This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
