I wanna passion pit in your ass
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
