Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
