I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
