I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think i have two assholes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
