so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
