Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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