I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
