I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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