If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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