My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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