I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
