Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
