Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think a kid would responsible me up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
