They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
