Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
