you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
