i dont even know how to be here
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
