the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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