Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish you could order shots online.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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