i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
