anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
