Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
