someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
