need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
