remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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