I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
