maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My ass is underappreciated
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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