I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
