I heard we made out
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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