i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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