look no pants
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
