This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's always time for handjobs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
