so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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