I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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