i would punch a child for taco bell
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you are never too drunk for berry picking
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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