I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
