my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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