Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
