i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
