Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Text me some of your sweat
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
