I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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