I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
