You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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