Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize