Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
