I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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